Trust No One

Pss. 25:2 O my God, I trust in thee: let me not be ashamed, let not mine enemies triumph over me.

Yeah, this was said numerous times on X-Files, but this was my motto years before X-Files came along! I just don’t trust very easy because I have been fed lies all of my life, never allowing me to open up and place trust in anyone.

I couldn’t trust the Catholic Church, they denied me my confirmation; a confirmation that I was the first in my family ever to be denied. I couldn’t trust my brothers and sister; they were too busy feeding me cigarettes and pot to keep the baby blabber-mouth quiet. I couldn’t trust my mother and father; they were too busy dragging me, the baby of the family, from bar to bar while they filled their need. (Wonder where I picked up the habits?) I couldn’t trust the very few friends that I had because they were too busy stabbing me in the back.

So who did I have to trust as a child? I’ll tell you quite frankly, it was God! He was the only one that I could put my trust in and not once did He ever let me down. Not once! This is why my faith became solidified. I had found that I could trust no one but I could always trust Him.

Ruth 2:12 The LORD recompense thy work, and a full reward be given thee of the LORD God of Israel, under whose wings thou art come to trust.

Now if any of my family members were to read this blog, they’d sit in shame of all my tales but they know them to be true, but yes, they are ashamed. They are like the ostrich sticking their heads in the sand, struggling through life but never getting it off their chest harboring ill feelings to each and every family member left surviving.

I am the baby of six children. I have four brothers and a sister and only one of us made it out somewhat sane, but he too has his own issues, his own view of the truth. They all say I was spoiled and given everything. I was the baby, I was taken everywhere because I was too young to stay home alone and have parties.

By the time I was ten my oldest brother was turning 20, served in the marines, married and out and about in life. The next in line brother was 19 hanging out at the house smoking pot and greens that permeated the entire house drawing a blind eye from my drunken parents who were in bed. My next two brothers all suffered their own delusion and couldn’t wait to get out, but the youngest of the brothers wanted to molest his sisters first before becoming a sofa sleeping lazy bum. He went on to a better life with marriage an illegitimate daughter and a nice house, but all my family is about possessions.

Pss. 16: 1 Preserve me, O God: for in thee do I put my trust.

They let me down. Trust was broken and even in my twenty-year marriage, where I trusted my husband; he too let me down and still does to this day with the neglecting of his now almost 18 year-old son.

Gee, I can’t figure out why I trust no one, can you?

I looked out at the intimidating world wanting to be out there and that is what I did, left my hometown, my husband, and shacked up with a man living in Texas. Granted my parents have been married almost 60 sixty years, two of my brothers have long marriages, my two eldest brothers both have failed marriages and one is a squatter living home to home drug addict, while my eldest brother is in Tennessee somewhere trying to look normal.

And still, I go on after ten years with this man and still, trust no one but my Lord and Savior.

Pss.18: 2 The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.