Trust No One

Pss. 25:2 O my God, I trust in thee: let me not be ashamed, let not mine enemies triumph over me.

Yeah, this was said numerous times on X-Files, but this was my motto years before X-Files came along! I just don’t trust very easy because I have been fed lies all of my life, never allowing me to open up and place trust in anyone.

I couldn’t trust the Catholic Church, they denied me my confirmation; a confirmation that I was the first in my family ever to be denied. I couldn’t trust my brothers and sister; they were too busy feeding me cigarettes and pot to keep the baby blabber-mouth quiet. I couldn’t trust my mother and father; they were too busy dragging me, the baby of the family, from bar to bar while they filled their need. (Wonder where I picked up the habits?) I couldn’t trust the very few friends that I had because they were too busy stabbing me in the back.

So who did I have to trust as a child? I’ll tell you quite frankly, it was God! He was the only one that I could put my trust in and not once did He ever let me down. Not once! This is why my faith became solidified. I had found that I could trust no one but I could always trust Him.

Ruth 2:12 The LORD recompense thy work, and a full reward be given thee of the LORD God of Israel, under whose wings thou art come to trust.

Now if any of my family members were to read this blog, they’d sit in shame of all my tales but they know them to be true, but yes, they are ashamed. They are like the ostrich sticking their heads in the sand, struggling through life but never getting it off their chest harboring ill feelings to each and every family member left surviving.

I am the baby of six children. I have four brothers and a sister and only one of us made it out somewhat sane, but he too has his own issues, his own view of the truth. They all say I was spoiled and given everything. I was the baby, I was taken everywhere because I was too young to stay home alone and have parties.

By the time I was ten my oldest brother was turning 20, served in the marines, married and out and about in life. The next in line brother was 19 hanging out at the house smoking pot and greens that permeated the entire house drawing a blind eye from my drunken parents who were in bed. My next two brothers all suffered their own delusion and couldn’t wait to get out, but the youngest of the brothers wanted to molest his sisters first before becoming a sofa sleeping lazy bum. He went on to a better life with marriage an illegitimate daughter and a nice house, but all my family is about possessions.

Pss. 16: 1 Preserve me, O God: for in thee do I put my trust.

They let me down. Trust was broken and even in my twenty-year marriage, where I trusted my husband; he too let me down and still does to this day with the neglecting of his now almost 18 year-old son.

Gee, I can’t figure out why I trust no one, can you?

I looked out at the intimidating world wanting to be out there and that is what I did, left my hometown, my husband, and shacked up with a man living in Texas. Granted my parents have been married almost 60 sixty years, two of my brothers have long marriages, my two eldest brothers both have failed marriages and one is a squatter living home to home drug addict, while my eldest brother is in Tennessee somewhere trying to look normal.

And still, I go on after ten years with this man and still, trust no one but my Lord and Savior.

Pss.18: 2 The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.

The Journey Moves On...

Rev 2:10 Fear none of those things which thou shalt suffer: behold, the devil shall cast some of you into prison, that ye may be tried; and ye shall have tribulation ten days: be thou faithful unto death, and I will give thee a crown of life.

When I announced to my Dad that I had converted to Christianity, he tossed his arms in the air as if to say “Rebel child!” I didn’t convert to be rebellious, I converted because I felt I belonged in the world of Christianity. I had a home there, nestled with Christ.
 
Heb. 5: 8 Though he were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the things which he suffered;
 
You see, my very first crush was on a man who walked on water, healed the sick, gave sight to the blind, the lame walked just to name a few of the miracles of Jesus. This is the man that I was introduced to in Christianity. I was introduced to Him in the Catholic religion, but I was a confused child when it came to praying the Hail Mary, and passing the statues and beautifully psychedelic fragile stained glass windows. Maybe other kids never got confused and as many members of my family are Devout Catholics, I didn’t judge them, I just didn’t feel at home. We were poor, six kids with parents who drank. The Catholic church was big, beautiful, bold and rich. My Christian school was small, and comforting like a warm blanket after a cold rain.
 
John 3:2 The same came to Jesus by night, and said unto him, Rabbi, we know that thou art a teacher come from God: for no man can do these miracles that thou doest, except God be with him.
 
I felt a new determination and on a spiritual mission to know this Jesus and declare Him as my first love. I wanted to be like Him, be comforted by Him and in my walk with Him, be spiritually touched by Him.
 
Ps. 107:9 For he satisfieth the longing soul, and filleth the hungry soul with goodness.
 
People called me weird and strange; imagine a seventeen year old kid trying to deal scripture to drug addicts. Because of my search, and as I wobbled on the road toward sobriety, I was shown many things along the way. I was dragged through sexual abuse, gave birth to an Angel, stomped on by alcohol to the point that it sliced like a razor on my soul, and left me bleeding for solace in the Lords arms. As I cried out, I was being tempted by Satan, he was handing me drugs that made the journey more flavorful, made life more bearable. Made pain oblivious.
 
Deut. 7:19 The great temptations which thine eyes saw, and the signs, and the wonders, and the mighty hand, and the stretched out arm, whereby the LORD thy God brought thee out: so shall the LORD thy God do unto all the people of whom thou art afraid.
 
I decided one day to spit in Satan's face and as I watched it drip from his chin, he tried to smother me in ugliness, dipping me in his pit and wrapping his claws tightly around my throat. As I lay gasping for air, God with all His power and might, reached in with His hand and asked, “What can I do for you?”
 
I cried out in breathless desperation, “Save me, sweet Jesus.”  At 21 my Lord and Savior tossed me over His shoulder and carried me away from the life of darkness, drugs and alcohol, and that is when the real journey began. This was when I saw one set of footprints leading away from the abyss, in the sands of time.
 
Matt 6:13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.
 

Gal. 4:14 And my temptation which was in my flesh ye despised not, nor rejected; but received me as an angel of God, even as Christ Jesus.
 

I was on the the rocky road to recovery with forks in every direction facing me, the difference was that Jesus was on the road with me, with a guiding hand and I was no longer alone. My life forever changed, as I began the talk and walked the walk. I meditated on the Word daily, I absorbed knowledge like a sponge. I changed spiritually as I dove into the Word that had been shown to me, as in preparation for something bigger. I was no longer on a physical path clinging to the things of this world.  Each step became a step in knee-deep molasses as the spiritual spiritual journey took me on a leap of faith.
 
Rom 3:24 Being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus:
 
I was now wrapped in the spiritual world, drinking from the beauty of the stellar cosmos, seeing the Light drizzle on my soul and empowering me to make a change, not just in me, but in my family and those circling around me who would listen to anything I had to say. I was in the field with the sheep, and some listened intently, some didn’t want to hear, some changed, and some strayed to another path. Their journey would then become their own. I glided forward in life, hurdling obstacles, leaping galaxies, whisking adversity into another realm, and embracing each new sheep in my field.

Jer. 3:4 And I will set up shepherds over them which shall feed them: and they shall fear no more, nor be dismayed, neither shall they be lacking, saith the LORD.
 

John 10:2 But he that entereth in by the door is the shepherd of the sheep.

Soul Songs Sunday ~ The More I Seek...

~ Seek and Find ~

This love is so deep; so overwhelming
it sweeps me off of my feet and I’m
transferred to a loftier place in time.
It’s all mine and all His.

He owns my soul as I melt in the stillness;
I’m forever in awe of His amazing grace.
Dying was not enough for me; He picks
me up off the floor and embraces me.

While in His grasp he dances with me;
we spin in an array of spacious circles
as I'm left floating weightless; comfortably
my head is nestled on His shoulder.

I drink from his overflowing cup of devotion,
lay back against Him and breathe deeply,
feeling his heartbeat in rhythm with my own
in the essence of peace that surrounds Him.

Why has He chosen me to be the love
of His life and I Him, my everlasting affection?
The more intensely I seek...the higher I find.
the further I find...the deeper I love.

Matt 6:33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

The Tell-Tale Christian

 

Why did I name this post, the Tell-Tale Christian? Because it is in us to go around telling everyone that we are Christians. It either makes us feel closer to God, right with the world or maybe we think people will like and accept us if we are Christians.

Matt. 6:1  Take heed that ye do not your alms before men, to be seen of them: otherwise ye have no reward of your Father which is in heaven.
 
Rev. 3:15-16 I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot.So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth.

I do understand what the term ‘alms’ means; giving to the poor and needy, and yes it fits into this tell-tale Christian post because I know so many, who after helping someone say, “I gave him a dollar, he was begging for it!” Their compassionate heart was ruined just by that statement. We’re not to go around boasting and bragging of our walk with the Lord. “I gave this, my charitable heart did that.”  That makes us as ego driven as the windswept snowdrifts!


We are deceived into thinking ourselves self-sufficient, when in fact we are spiritually blind and self-righteous! With this behavior we are then closing the door to Jesus, our walk becomes futile and each step is like a foot in quicksand, but there is good news in this, Jesus hasn’t closed the door on US! His arms are open and as He stands knocking, He allows us the choice of whether we open the door, or just peek through the peephole. He can only enter if the DOOR is OPEN. And once He enters He is now beside you walking the journey. You are not alone, and He sees everything we do, good AND bad, for Him or against Him.


Did you know that Jesus, to His disciples, said many of times, “Tell no one I am the Son of God.” Did you ever wonder about that? Why would this Glorious King of Kings come to save our souls, not want anyone to know that his Father sent Him to shed blood for you?
He knew mans hearts so well. He knew they would go and tell, He knew His message would reach thousands, millions and billions. Jesus knew we were weak and He was trying so hard to make us strong.
He also wanted us to pray in secret.

Matt. 6:6-7 But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly. But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do: for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking.

Do you get it? Our spiritual journey is between YOU and HIM.  It is not a display case for you to show off to others. Sure you can share the scripture, but be ready, KNOW from what you preach. You can not stand inside the door, peeking out through a peep-hole, then claim to be a Christian, who walks the walk. That is sort of like window shopping as Christ stands on display.


“Looky there, I know Him, I walk with Him, I praise him daily.” In your excitement you tap on the glass, “Hey Jesus, remember me, I tell everybody about you!” A silence washes over you. You realize something as you look through the glass. You haven’t really let Him in, spiritually, you have Him on display.


There is a barrier between you and Him, called glass. Don’t be on the outside looking in, stand WITH Him, be one with Him, allow Him to live in you! Open the Door! Don’t just be a Tell-Tale Christian.

Rev. 3:20-22 Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me. To him that overcometh will I grant to sit with me in my throne, even as I also overcame, and am set down with my Father in his throne. He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the churches.