Her Homecoming...

Job 19:19 All my inward friends abhorred me: and they whom I loved are turned against me.

It was a blazing hot summer, but day after day we got closer and closer to grandmother coming home.  I’d watch as Gus, her big, built, strong black man was working her legs and arms. You have to understand something here, my grandmother grew up in an era where in her warped mind thought, that black people were lower life forms. I have never had a problem with people of a different color. I thought God did beautiful art work when he created humans all of a different hue.

But grandmother grew up with a strong hate for everything including, people of color! But here Gus was touching her and she’d call me aside as he went to get the stair climber ready, “He’s quite nice, isn’t he?” For the first time in a long time, my grandmother blushed!

Ps. 147: 3 He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.

She was learning to trust the black mans strength, (the term African-American didn’t become politically correct for a few years after that). She had a chance to see for herself, that it isn’t the color that makes a person bad, its their actions. Grandmother for three months couldn’t wait each day to see Gus! I was there as she took her first step, and I knew it wouldn’t be long now.

Back home, decisions were being made for her, “What are we going to do with Mother? She’ll need 24 hr. care! She’ll need medicine, and most of all, she’ll need a bathroom built on the first floor, a daybed; things to make her life bearable, once she gets home.” Yes siree, they were on the ball and spending money like water. The bathroom was being built and as with all of my uncle’s projects, it was slow going! Yes he was being paid, so of course, he milked every minute of every day.

I continued my daily routine of visiting her, going to therapy with her, and did lots of things for her, that only women can do. One time she had slid down the bed and needed to get moved up, not wanting to bother the nurses she asked if Vince could do it, “Boy he lifted me like I was a feather.” There it was, the blushing face I’d come to know and love.

Ecc. 3:3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

The day arrived for her to go home. Small problem, the house was not ready for her. Shocker there huh? My aunt said that she could stay with her, but getting her there (she lived outside the city in a single house dwelling). Now lets see, who could do get her to my aunts, up the steps and safely tucked in? Lets get Joni and Vince!

The day was one of tears and joy, because believe it or not, I had made quite a few friends while she was in the PT Hospital. I’d visit with Mr. John, give a big hello to all the ladies, even the nurses were happy to see me everyday, so the release date would be bittersweet. I’d never see them again. My aunt thought that I had developed a crush on Gus, and that is why I was crying, but she did not know ME, the compassionate hearted Christian woman. She only knew lil joni, and I would always be seen as that. She hadn’t gotten to know those people like I did, She visited once a week, if that.

Jer. 17: Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved: for thou art my praise.

My family knew how to cut me and didn’t care of the bloodshed, as long as I served their purpose. I took it because of my duty to my Lord, and my love for my grandmother. I would not let her down like her kids had let her down for so many years.  I would be there for her through thick and thin.

We got her to my aunts house and it was a few months before she came back to her own house, I went down and cleaned the entire place for her. We had it ready and waiting for her and it was *I* who helped get her into the house. Now..lets see..she had no one to stay the night, so plans had to be made. She wanted me to stay, and never having spent one day away from my home in my life, I stayed. I had been on this road with her all along so it only seemed right.  For a price they said... My goodness they (they, meaning my aunt and my grandmother) would not let me do anything without handing me money, even if I said no I didn't want it, my grandmother insisted! A twenty here, a twenty there, until I was under their claws and they knew it.

Everything changed...  and not for the better.

The Stroke...of Madness

We got the call in the early morning about ten. Backing up a few weeks, my grandmother was having signs of a stroke; headache, blurred vision, numbness, but she ignored it saying, “I have never been sick a day in my life. I don’t need a doctor like all those other old women at Bingo who are on every medication you can think of, I’m fine.” I made my aunt and my mother aware of the situation, but no one would listen to this child! “She’ll be fine,” they said shrugging me off. Until...
 
The phone rang and I could hardly understand my grandmother on the other end, “Thumthins wong” I heard her say, I motioned to Vince, who was home, he had no job.  She said, “Tum down here.” I told Vince to run down my grandmothers, something was seriously wrong and he immediately did. I kept my grandmother on the phone as he raced down the street, not far from where I lived, maybe forty rowhouses. Everything went so quick I don’t honestly know what happened.
 
Matt. 9:12 But when Jesus heard that, he said unto them, They that be whole need not a physician, but they that are sick.
 
My uncle lived two doors from my grandmother (yes we all lived pretty close to one another) and Vince had run to grandmothers, my Uncle was leaving his house, saw Vince, and somehow, Vince came home and said, “She’s going to the hospital!” It’s all jumbled to me because this was the grandmother that I had learned to love after a childhood of her being uptight and far removed from all the grandkids, I felt I had finally gotten to know her and to LOVE her. And not for her money either and she knew this too, because I couldn’t tell you how many times I told her to spend every dime so her kids got NOTHING when she passed away. We’d always laugh about that. We had learned to love each other and it felt good to be loved by her, I’ll admit that.
 
But here she was, going the hospital. Turns out she had a stroke and was paralyzed on her left side. Vince and I would go to see her (we went that very day!), and she’d say, “Are you coming tomorrow?” Like a helpless babe, this pillar of my grandmother, lay there, reaching out, to me. “Of course, grandmom,” I whispered. And day after day, I was at the hospital, brushing her hair, bringing new housecoats, being a friend to her, when everyone else abandoned her. They of course were working on the “How much is this gonna cost.” While I was concerned with nurturing my grandmother back to health.
 
Mark 5: 26 And had suffered many things of many physicians, and had spent all that she had, and was nothing bettered, but rather grew worse,
 
Okay, so they visited when they could, but I was not going to let her go through this alone. I had finally gotten a grandmother and I would be darned if I was going to lose her!
 
They informed the family that she needed to go into a rehab hospital, Physical Therapy would help her learn how to walk again and to speak clearer. Her words, “Will you come with me?” brought tears to my eyes as I knew, this was a job that God  placed in my heart and wanted me to do. I was committed to God and anything He put in my path to do, I did, and this was not a job at all, this was my grandmother! Her family was concerned with, "What is this going to cost us."
 
Luke 10:2 Therefore said he unto them, The harvest truly is great, but the labourers are few: pray ye therefore the Lord of the harvest, that he would send forth labourers into his harvest.
 
I rode in an ambulance for the first time in my life when they transported grandmother to the PT hospital. Her kids couldn’t get off of work to accompany her and asked if I would go with her. Of course! One of the hottest summers in Baltimore, I spent every single day (except Sundays) going to Physical Therapy with my grandmother, learning the exercises, so  when she’d finally come home, she could continue to do the work. I would be right there with her.

Next up... her homecoming

~ Greed ~

Prov. 15:27 He that is greedy of gain troubleth his own house; but he that hateth gifts shall live.

***

I learned about greed early on when I saw the way people acted in parting with their money, holding onto their money, and watching people share their money.
 
My grooming was at a pivotal time of growth in my life. I was a young girl overcoming addictions, I was seeking God through the scripture and on a daily basis, He showed me His power, strength and might, which laid for me a solid foundation on which to follow. When hard times hit, and there were many, I never strayed, I remained firm and as people looked on, their daggers went through me but there was no blood coming forth from the wounds. I was empowered by the Word.
 
My husband was bouncing around from job to job never finding the right one for him. We had moved into one of my grandfathers apartments right across the street from my mother, actually it was the first apartment my mother had lived in too, ‘coincidentally’, and when my grandfather who loved my husband to bits, passed away, my grandmother who loved Vince too, allowed us to move into one of the other properties, right next door to my mother and father. She was apprehensive, thinking my mother and I would not like the setup, but my mother, who happened to be one of my best friends, assured her, we could all get along, and for thirteen years, we did!
 
I have so many tales to tell, miracles to share, blessings in my life, but for now I want to share this one.
 
1 Tim 3:3 Not given to wine, no striker, not greedy of filthy lucre; but patient, not a brawler, not covetous;
 
The house was run down and beaten up pretty bad and we went in and painted, laid new tile, beautified the place so we could get in there to live. Grandmother was tapping her fingers because she said she’d pay for the paint, but we were pretty much improving a run down property. She would rent it to us for seventy dollars a week for the duration that we lived there. This was a blessing, for a price. You see, when my grandfather passed, grandmother found out that he had had a secret that he couldn’t carry to the grave. He was worth very close to one million dollars!
 
Mark 10:25 It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.

Isa. 56: 11 Yea, they are greedy dogs which can never have enough, and they are shepherds that cannot understand: they all look to their own way, every one for his gain, from his quarter.

The scavengers of the family moved in like cockroaches in the dark. My two uncles wanted her to buy them a bar, my aunt wanted to have complete control, my mother just wanted something she never had in her life, her debt to be paid in full. Six kids all wanted a little bit of something. As the months would go on, I would begin my duty as a house cleaner, and the sons would get their bar, they would renovate my grandmothers house under the watchful eye of my aunt who had control of the funds, and grandmother would live with my aunt while the work was done.
 
1 Tim 6:10 For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.
 
Thousands and thousands of dollars were being spent. My grandmother came home to her newly renovated home, a new and different person. She had an air about her that my only explanation could be, was greed had her by the hair and was not letting her go. My husband had worked for my uncle in the reno job, but his son (my cousin) got in the way and my hubby was out. The whole family was hovering like vultures, protecting their one-day-to-be inheritance. Greed had pierced their souls and I had to bear witness.
 
I wanted nothing from my grandmother but the roof over my head, and when I refused taking pay for my house cleaning, my grandmother insisted that she pay! I was now not only her tenant, but her hired hand. Twenty bucks a week was like gold to me. Sometimes it was the only meal that we’d get that day because good old Vince was not one to keep a job.
 
Luke 22:5 And they were glad, and covenanted to give him money.
 
I had sold my soul to the vultures. Oh dear Lord what have I done. I worked at the bar as a short order cook, still cleaned house for my grandmother, and was getting paid. Dirty money in my hands, I let it leave my hand as soon as I got it. Should a recovered alcoholic work in a bar? Well, I don’t recommend it, but I was strong in my faith, and for some reason, God had wanted me here at this time. I was taken advantage of, being asked to work weird hours, scrub floors, toilets, cook food, you name it. But it was work and I needed to work to keep my sanity.
 

Ex.5:9 Let there more work be laid upon the men, that they may labour therein; and let them not regard vain words.
 

Prov. 10: 16 The labour of the righteous tendeth to life: the fruit of the wicked to sin.
 
Vince was sure to keep a close eye on me as he always did, in his obsession with me, he would stop by every job I had, to make sure I was where I said I was so no one would ‘hurt’ me. I saw this as his indebted love for me; I was young and naive and in love. Alone in my own world, he was all I had that I could trust.
I’ll pause here and pick back up to when my grandmother had a stroke.
 
Is. 49:4 Then I said, I have laboured in vain, I have spent my strength for nought, and in vain: yet surely my judgment is with the LORD, and my work with my God.

The Light Within

I often have heard many people say to me, “You have a light that shines from you.” What are they seeing in me? Is there a glow or something about me that makes me special? I think what they are seeing is God’s light shining forth from me. I’m not saying this as an ego trip, I’m just trying to figure out things out for myself. Not everyone that believes in God, or calls themselves Christian has a light. It takes a lot of refining. Have you ever been speaking to someone that just has their heart glowing, their soul shining, the piercing eyes that can see deep into the wellspring of your soul? Few and far in between, but they’re out there! 
 
Not every Christian I’ve met has the Light shining forth from them, but they’re struggling on the right path to acquiring it, and so all I can do is offer any assistance in guiding them with hopes they begin walking in the right direction as I comfort them with my testimony, my rocky path, and my mountainous journey. It is not up to me who is in my path on this journey, it is those that choose to hear my word, and take my testimony as a true and well lit path. If you are reading this, then you are in my path for a reason.
 
Eph. 5:1-2  Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children; And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour.
 
Titus 1:8 But a lover of hospitality, a lover of good men, sober, just, holy, temperate;
 
Some may never read this, some will and enjoy the words. Some may turn a blind eye and think I’m just a bunch of hokey. But know this, this is the story of my life. Are we all here just to live and die? Do you wake up every morning with no real purpose in life? God has created you with a definite purpose in mind, and if you feel you have no purpose and are getting nowhere, then you need to look into your soul and see what God’s purpose is for you.
 
4 Ezra 5: 37 Open me the places that are closed, and bring me forth the winds that in them are shut up, shew me the image of a voice: and then I will declare to thee the thing that thou labourest to know.
 
Did you know that a silversmiths job is to hold a piece of silver over the fire to let it heat up? In refining silver, one needs to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames are hottest so as to burn away all the impurities. Always keeping a watchful eye on the silver as it is heated, because if his eyes stray for even a brief moment, the whole piece will be destroyed! It is important to be watchful of the molten metal as it does not help the process when it is overheated.  It may not destroy the silver, but silver has an affinity for absorbing oxygen and this can make it unworkable.
 
Malachi 3:3 "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver;and he shall purify the sons of Levi, and purge them as gold and silver, that they may offer unto the LORD an offering in righteousness.
 
How does a silversmith know when the silver is fully refined? When he sees his image reflected in it. Clean molten silver will shine with a mirror-like quality when it is ready to pour.
 
1 Cor. 15: 49 And as we have borne the image of the earthy, we shall also bear the image of the heavenly.
 
2 Cor. 3: 8 But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.
 
Isn’t that amazing? When we are in the hottest portions of finding our faith, God has you in His hand and is just waiting to see His image in you, then He knows you are fully refined. You have followed Him, washed away all the impurities of the fleshly man, and have come to Him refined and ready to walk the path of the righteous. To God you are precious silver, to man, they see His image in you. The Light of the Lord will shine forth from EVERYone, when they are refined. That is some great news and HOPE in a hopeless generation!

I’ll leave you with this:
 
Mal. 4: 1-6 For, behold, the day cometh, that shall burn as an oven; and all the proud, yea, and all that do wickedly, shall be stubble: and the day that cometh shall burn them up, saith the LORD of hosts, that it shall leave them neither root nor branch.
But unto you that fear my name shall the Sun of righteousness arise with healing in his wings; and ye shall go forth, and grow up as calves of the stall.
And ye shall tread down the wicked; for they shall be ashes under the soles of your feet in the day that I shall do this, saith the LORD of hosts.
Remember ye the law of Moses my servant, which I commanded unto him in Horeb for all Israel, with the statutes and judgments.
 Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the LORD:
 And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse.

A Vain Faith

Is. 41:29 Behold, they are all vanity; their works are nothing: their molten images are wind and confusion.

I am writing this post after I saw a post of The Shroud of Turin, proved to be the real thing by scientists. Do I need proof that Jesus existed? The UK newspaper, The Independent, reports that Italian scientists have discovered evidence that a “supernatural event” formed the image on the Shroud of Turin, believed by many to be the burial cloth of Jesus Christ. The scientists showed that the image was made by a short, intense burst of UV radiation so powerful that it can’t be reproduced even by modern science, let alone by medieval hoaxers!

A vain faith seeks signs and wonders and proof that the Lord exists, that His Word is divine and that Moses parted the Red Sea, or that Noah built a boat to weather an impending flood, or that little David fought a giant and won, all with God’s guidance? A man in the belly of a whale? For three days?
 

Tit.3: 9 But avoid foolish questions, and genealogies, and contentions, and strivings about the law; for they are unprofitable and vain.

You might say, no way! Where’s the proof? Then you have archaeologists out climbing Mount Ararat, looking for the Ark, and you have people physically seeking evidence that everything in the Bible is true. My friend, you have The Bible as the proof. Whether you believe it to be the truth is solely up to you. And if you truly believe it and have faith that it is the Divine word of God, why seek more proof? Are ye of little faith?  This is what FAITH is all about. Before you, you have a living testament of the Word. Was King James accurate in giving us all the content that was handed down since the beginning of time? I would think you naive if you believed that.
 

Gal. 2:21 I do not frustrate the grace of God: for if righteousness come by the law, then Christ is dead in vain.

My journey to Christ as a young child, had me seeking all those vain things that MAN wanted me to read and believe, but as my faith grew so did insight to God. Do I have all the answers? No way. Do I have many questions? Sure I do, I’m human. But am I going to get ANY of my answers from a man, scientist, philosopher, archeologist? NO WAY! I take all my questions to God himself, HE and He alone gives me the answers. Does He want me to give you all the answers that He’s given me? Well that’s just silly. He wants YOU to come to Him and ask for yourself, and not seek through the words and vain babblings of men.
 
Man (and woman) in their arrogant pursuits wants to be the ones to say, “Aha! Here is proof. Here is what I found. I need to share with you this proof.” It also satisfies their bewildered soul, so they then can have faith? Faith is accepting the unknown, embracing the supernatural as fact and not seeking scientific answers. They can not and will not give you the answers your soul seeks.
 

Col. 2:8 Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ.

When God decided to come to earth as a man named Jesus,  He knew you would seek these answers. He knew your inquisitive minds would want solid proof as of the The Flood, the Parting of the Sea, the apple given to Eve, all of these things he KNEW! But Jesus asked one thing of us as true believers of His testimony and His living Word, to HAVE FAITH.
 

1 Cor. 3: 20 And again, The Lord knoweth the thoughts of the wise, that they are vain.
 

1 Cor. 15: 10 But by the grace of God I am what I am: and his grace which was bestowed upon me was not in vain; but I laboured more abundantly than they all: yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me.
 

Jer. 8: [19] Behold the voice of the cry of the daughter of my people because of them that dwell in a far country: Is not the LORD in Zion? is not her king in her? Why have they provoked me to anger with their graven images, and with strange vanities?

A lot of times it is so hard to hold faith in our hands. At times we want what we want WHEN we want it and it tears our insides apart knowing that something Bigger than you, something MORE spectacular than you is in complete control of YOUR life. The Holy Bible lay all your answers right at your door, yet you seek more? He meant it when He said to humble yourselves, that means putting HIM in the driver seat. You’re just along for the ride.
 

Luke 13:19 It is like a grain of mustard seed, which a man took, and cast into his garden; and it grew, and waxed a great tree; and the fowls of the air lodged in the branches of it.
 

Matt. 24: [24] For there shall arise false Christs, and false prophets, and shall shew great signs and wonders; insomuch that, if it were possible, they shall deceive the very elect. 

Hold faith in your hand like the solid gem that it is. Store it in the Lords temple, meaning your soul, and treasure it, for it’s worth eternal Light to you. Man cannot open the doorway to heaven for you, you get there all on your own.  

Matt. 14: 31 And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt.

Take Your Time

Don’t rush into finding God.


Matt 6:33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.


I must admit, in my walk, I have not always attended church. As a matter of fact when I was first discovering Christ’s power and affect in my life, I went to God and asked Him to help me find a church. He said, “When the time is right.” Again I felt I was being groomed by God and had to experience some things before I could ever walk in a Church and claim to be a Christian. I was not going be a hypocrite, and wear a mask in front of all the people worshipping.


I began by applying the scripture to my life with every second that I breathed. Not daily or weekly, applying the word is a minute-by-minute thing that needs constant action.


Is.29:24 They also that erred in spirit shall come to understanding, and they that murmured shall learn doctrine.

Eph.4:14 That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive;


When I was six, I entered into the Catholic school not knowing who or what God was, or what religion was. All I knew was I was a six year old kid, fresh out of Baptist Bible School, (that we went to, to have something fun to do?) Here I was, first grade, being made to face a God I had only seen in my mind. He was being shaped by man for me. Was I going to accept this form? Probably not.


John 5: 37 And the Father himself, which hath sent me, hath borne witness of me. Ye have neither heard his voice at any time, nor seen his shape.


At six I didn’t know my older brothers were already setting off to high-school, a public high-school I might add, fresh out of Catholic school. All six of us had the benefit of the Catholic school education and I know now, how hard that must’ve been on my mother and father to send six kids to Catholic school, seeing that the tuition was pricey. We’d receive ‘donation’ envelopes that were to be turned in at church each Sunday; little did I know then, tuition was discounted, with the weekly tithing from the four of us that were still in Catholic school. Nor did we know that playing hooky from church, would be made known to my mother when the school notified her that they had not been receiving a weekly tithe, thus our tuition would go up in cost.


We never attended church as a ‘family’. My sister and two brothers were made to take me to church with them and this is what shaped a church life for me. They wanted money. They wanted me to tell THEM my sins, they wanted to shape my walk with God, and even at a young age, I felt God tugging me in a seriously different direction.


Num. 22:24 But the angel of the LORD stood in a path of the vineyards, a wall being on this side, and a wall on that side.


My dad would sit and watch the Sunday service by Oral Roberts and I saw this and thought it was quite okay to sit at home and worship God. I meditated on these things and the only thing shown me was the Light and Love that God had for me, and His hand was doing the molding of my walk with Him. I found myself in later years watching Billy Graham, Robert Schuller, Joel Osteen and others. This was my God filled life.


Job 19:8 He hath fenced up my way that I cannot pass, and he hath set darkness in my paths.

Job 30:13 They mar my path, they set forward my calamity, they have no helper.

Pss. 142:3 When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, then thou knewest my path. In the way wherein I walked have they privily laid a snare for me.


My parents knew no better. They were marring my path thinking that they were doing the right thing by sending us all to Catholic school, but just like sitting at home watching a TV service is unacceptable to God, a child shouldn’t have to be made to raise himself in the Lord. And that is exactly what I did.


Psalm 16:11 Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.

Pss. 23:3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.


About nine years ago, God whispered in my ear, “It is time.”


It was at that time I gave up everything!  My home, all of my material belongings, except for a few things, basically all of my past life was gone from before me. I took my son with me to find God and what He wanted me to do.


About seven years ago, I entered a Church for the first time in many years. This is their statement that drew me in: We WELCOME you! Everyone is invited to share in our activities. We recognize all Christians as being part of the church - the Body of Christ. We expect everyone to continue to grow in their faith relationships with God based on their previous faith experiences. Thus, everyone can remain true to her or his beliefs, while being united in Worship, Education and Service. We celebrate our unity through our diversity.


This looked promising and surely was for two years of my growth. By then I tasted the love of fellowship, saw things I needed to change, and knew that this was not the church to further mold me. God had said, “Move on.” And He brought me to a Church of GRACE.


Yes siree, God has had a hand in each and every church I’ve attended, since the beginning of my church life at six, until this very day where I am embraced by people who walk the Christian path daily. I now commune with people who add to my growth, no longer tied to people who draw me away from my faith. “On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand, all other ground is sinking sand.”


I am now a changed woman all because of Church and Gods hand in seeing that this creation is well worth the clay He formed her from.


Job 33:6  Behold, I am according to thy wish in God's stead: I also am formed out of the clay.

Is.64: 8 But now, O LORD, thou art our father; we are the clay, and thou our potter; and we all are the work of thy hand.

Matt.6:33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

Am I a Christian?

Convent in Concordia Kansas

No one says that becoming a Christian is an easy task. Some people think they can just lay claim to Christianity, but it is a little more than just saying, I’m a Christian. It seems more and more ‘religions’ are cropping up as the ages move forward. There is an -ism for non believers, an -ism for God-but-no-Jesus believers, and even an -ism for believers in nothing sacred!
 
Christianity is not an -ism. It is a way of life for the people who believe that Christ is the son of God. But did you know that Christianity makes up 33% of the worlds religions? This includes Catholics, Baptist, Methodist, Lutheran, Jehovah’s Witnesses, Evangelical, Presbyterian and many many more! This was pretty shocking to me since I don’t claim to be any of those religions. Even as it stands, Christianity is divided amongst itself!
 
Mark 3: 24 And if a kingdom be divided against itself, that kingdom cannot stand.
1 Cor. 1:13 Is Christ divided? was Paul crucified for you? or were ye baptized in the name of Paul?
 
I can see why people who are seeking something more in their life, search for God. It can become confusing at times though and people are turned away from all the scripture babble, the pressuring of becoming something they don’t understand; people waving pamphlets in their faces saying things like, “We have the way!”  That’s just it, people don’t understand ‘the way’, and all the bible verses, all the books out there that are handed them, the different religions, give no clear path for which their souls are seeking.
 
In my journey, I had a book called, The Holy Bible, it was/is the King James version, and I never converted to any other; for simplified verse, for clarity, for amplification of the divine Word. Why? Because it was MY choice and because  NKJV, just seemed wrong to me. To ME!! Changing ONE WORD, changed the entire scripture verse, to ME!
  
Is it true?

 John 8:43 Why do ye not understand my speech? even because ye cannot hear my word.
 
[47] He that is of God heareth God's words: ye therefore hear them not, because ye are not of God.
 
The good news is this:
 
John 12:47 And if any man hear my words, and believe not, I judge him not: for I came not to judge the world, but to save the world.
 
This is where a Church becomes essential in the growth of a person. A new person seeking God needs to hear it from more than one person handing out tracts of the word of God. This is what we call the fellowship of Christ. It is communing with like minded souls, who are all on the journey, seeking the same God and Lord Jesus Christ as you. You can not walk the walk alone!
 
Matt. 18: 16 But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.
James 1:22 But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.
[23] For if any be a hearer of the word, and not a doer, he is like unto a man beholding his natural face in a glass:
 
Without a church backing you up, your spewing of scripture to the unlearned falls by the wayside being devoured by none other than, Satan himself. The seeker then has something else to grab hold of and turns your kind and caring, loving dose of scripture into the introduction of the dark one.
 
Mark 4: 15 And these are they by the way side, where the word is sown; but when they have heard, Satan cometh immediately, and taketh away the word that was sown in their hearts.
 
1 John 3:18 My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth.
 
In deed and truth I hand you my testimony of my struggle, my search, and my finding a way to come to Christ without any confusion. People can tell me things all they want, but I take it directly to God, ask HIM if this is what HE wants me to believe, and He answers. He has never let me down. The truth shall set you free. If you are searching, then bow your knee to him in prayer, and wait for an aswer, in earnest you pray, you will then hear what He has to say.
 

Rev. 16: 19 And the great city was divided into three parts, and the cities of the nations fell: and great Babylon came in remembrance before God, to give unto her the cup of the wine of the fierceness of his word.
 

Ps. 31:[16] Make thy face to shine upon thy servant: save me for thy mercies' sake.

The Journey Moves On...

Rev 2:10 Fear none of those things which thou shalt suffer: behold, the devil shall cast some of you into prison, that ye may be tried; and ye shall have tribulation ten days: be thou faithful unto death, and I will give thee a crown of life.

When I announced to my Dad that I had converted to Christianity, he tossed his arms in the air as if to say “Rebel child!” I didn’t convert to be rebellious, I converted because I felt I belonged in the world of Christianity. I had a home there, nestled with Christ.
 
Heb. 5: 8 Though he were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the things which he suffered;
 
You see, my very first crush was on a man who walked on water, healed the sick, gave sight to the blind, the lame walked just to name a few of the miracles of Jesus. This is the man that I was introduced to in Christianity. I was introduced to Him in the Catholic religion, but I was a confused child when it came to praying the Hail Mary, and passing the statues and beautifully psychedelic fragile stained glass windows. Maybe other kids never got confused and as many members of my family are Devout Catholics, I didn’t judge them, I just didn’t feel at home. We were poor, six kids with parents who drank. The Catholic church was big, beautiful, bold and rich. My Christian school was small, and comforting like a warm blanket after a cold rain.
 
John 3:2 The same came to Jesus by night, and said unto him, Rabbi, we know that thou art a teacher come from God: for no man can do these miracles that thou doest, except God be with him.
 
I felt a new determination and on a spiritual mission to know this Jesus and declare Him as my first love. I wanted to be like Him, be comforted by Him and in my walk with Him, be spiritually touched by Him.
 
Ps. 107:9 For he satisfieth the longing soul, and filleth the hungry soul with goodness.
 
People called me weird and strange; imagine a seventeen year old kid trying to deal scripture to drug addicts. Because of my search, and as I wobbled on the road toward sobriety, I was shown many things along the way. I was dragged through sexual abuse, gave birth to an Angel, stomped on by alcohol to the point that it sliced like a razor on my soul, and left me bleeding for solace in the Lords arms. As I cried out, I was being tempted by Satan, he was handing me drugs that made the journey more flavorful, made life more bearable. Made pain oblivious.
 
Deut. 7:19 The great temptations which thine eyes saw, and the signs, and the wonders, and the mighty hand, and the stretched out arm, whereby the LORD thy God brought thee out: so shall the LORD thy God do unto all the people of whom thou art afraid.
 
I decided one day to spit in Satan's face and as I watched it drip from his chin, he tried to smother me in ugliness, dipping me in his pit and wrapping his claws tightly around my throat. As I lay gasping for air, God with all His power and might, reached in with His hand and asked, “What can I do for you?”
 
I cried out in breathless desperation, “Save me, sweet Jesus.”  At 21 my Lord and Savior tossed me over His shoulder and carried me away from the life of darkness, drugs and alcohol, and that is when the real journey began. This was when I saw one set of footprints leading away from the abyss, in the sands of time.
 
Matt 6:13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.
 

Gal. 4:14 And my temptation which was in my flesh ye despised not, nor rejected; but received me as an angel of God, even as Christ Jesus.
 

I was on the the rocky road to recovery with forks in every direction facing me, the difference was that Jesus was on the road with me, with a guiding hand and I was no longer alone. My life forever changed, as I began the talk and walked the walk. I meditated on the Word daily, I absorbed knowledge like a sponge. I changed spiritually as I dove into the Word that had been shown to me, as in preparation for something bigger. I was no longer on a physical path clinging to the things of this world.  Each step became a step in knee-deep molasses as the spiritual spiritual journey took me on a leap of faith.
 
Rom 3:24 Being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus:
 
I was now wrapped in the spiritual world, drinking from the beauty of the stellar cosmos, seeing the Light drizzle on my soul and empowering me to make a change, not just in me, but in my family and those circling around me who would listen to anything I had to say. I was in the field with the sheep, and some listened intently, some didn’t want to hear, some changed, and some strayed to another path. Their journey would then become their own. I glided forward in life, hurdling obstacles, leaping galaxies, whisking adversity into another realm, and embracing each new sheep in my field.

Jer. 3:4 And I will set up shepherds over them which shall feed them: and they shall fear no more, nor be dismayed, neither shall they be lacking, saith the LORD.
 

John 10:2 But he that entereth in by the door is the shepherd of the sheep.

The Journey Set...

John 4:14 But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life.
 
It happened when I was 15 years old; I met a guy four years older than me who actually liked me back. I had dated another guy before, but this guy was different. My brothers didn’t like him, my sister did, and everyone in the neighborhood knew him, knew OF him, and respected him as the ‘leader’ of a pack. I don’t know if I was right in making this vow to God, but I had said that the first man who touched me, (yes, in THAT way) I would commit my life to him, physically.
 

Rom. 5:3 And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; 

He came into my life as a troubled man with much pain and tribulation following him; I saw this as my first ‘charge’ in my duty as a shepherd, the pursuit of helping to change people. He would be a challenge in my life, but after he touched me, I remembered the vow I made with God, and I committed to Vince. (not his real name. Changed because his story is not mine to tell)
 
1 Cor. 10:8 Neither let us commit fornication, as some of them committed, and fell in one day three and twenty thousand.
 
At sixteen, I became pregnant. It was the Spring of  ‘82. What a shocker to the family, not the first and certainly not the last, but this was now a form of my rebellion. My father asked what I wanted to do with the child. As if there was a choice? I believe in LIFE, and so I CHOSE life, for what I sensed to be, my son. 
My father assured me that my mother and him would stand behind me and if Vince was still around AFTER I had the baby, he would allow us to marry. I guess my Dad thought he’d bail, but nine months later as my son was born. The shock to us all came.
 
Deut. 28:37 And thou shalt become an astonishment, a proverb, and a byword, among all nations whither the LORD shall lead thee.
 
I don’t know about an astonishment to all nations but my family became aware of how strong my faith in Christ was at this time. You see, on November 27th I was told that my baby’s heartbeat had stopped. I would then have to carry him, dead, inside my womb for days (which seemed like months) and on December 2nd, he was STILL born, in the guiding light of Angels as they carried his spirit away. The doctor stood astonished, asking me,  “Did you see that?”
How could I not see, the Light that emitted from me as Christopher entered the world of the living and I watched as the blessed Angels came to carry Christopher away.
 
Mark 5:42 And straightway the damsel arose, and walked; for she was of the age of twelve years. And they were astonished with a great astonishment.
 
I may not have been twelve, but I was still just a babe myself and I rose, to tell my family in the following days, that God is good and I loved my Lord and Savior more than anything for choosing ME, to lay this walk upon. Shock rippled through the family like a stone skipping across water. 
“Aren’t you angry at God for taking your baby?” is what I heard a lot of and I only knew to say, 
“No, Christopher is with Him now; a much better place than I could have ever given him. There is a reason for every single thing in life. God makes NO mistakes!” 
As their faces looked on in shock, they saw a new wisdom reach forth from me, a spiritual force that they could neither grasp or understand. They sat in awe of my strength, as I sat in awe of My God. Seven months later, at the age of seventeen, I was married to Vince and I would begin the twenty years of service to the vow of commitment I made to Christ.
 

Neh 10 :29 They clave to their brethren, their nobles, and entered into a curse, and into an oath, to walk in God's law, which was given by Moses the servant of God, and to observe and do all the commandments of the LORD our Lord, and his judgments and his statutes;
 

Job 1: 16 While he was yet speaking, there came also another, and said, The fire of God is fallen from heaven, and hath burned up the sheep, and the servants, and consumed them; and I only am escaped alone to tell thee.
 

As many people are blessed with a loving, caring family whose life they were placed into and shaped them in some way, mine was to be my curse and my blessing. As God knew my path before I was born, carving me out of pieces of the stellar cosmos, and placing me right where He needed me to do His work; knowing full well that I would have the power within me to change me, people and the the world, one word at a time.
 
Through my words, my testimony, my life story, I give you the truth that dwells in me, the life that was lain, and all glory to Him who created me.
 

Ps 109:28 Let them curse, but bless thou: when they arise, let them be ashamed; but let thy servant rejoice.
 

Job 12:13  With him is wisdom and strength, he hath counsel and understanding.

Persecuted for Christ

 1 Pet. 4:16 Yet if any man suffer as a Christian, let him not be ashamed; but let him glorify God on this behalf.

I don’t claim to be anything other than a Christian, and in my walk with the Lord I have been persecuted, shunned, blind sided, tormented and teased. Why would you be persecuted, some might ask? Well let me tell you.

Pss 119:161 Princes have persecuted me without a cause: but my heart standeth in awe of thy word.

When I was about fourteen years old, I claimed Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior and all that that entailed. I had went to Catholic school eight years of my life, and it was the Catholic religion who introduced me to Christ, Mary, Abraham and the Laws, but also as a child I yearned for more. Since my own family was dysfunctionally wrapped in alcohol and drugs, I knew there had to be more out in this world, so I sought.

I entered a Christian school and that is when I became a ‘born again’ Christian. I came home so excited to share the news with my family, to share with them that I had found JESUS! And that He washed my soul and cleansed my spirit! Sadly, as my voice echoed through the house, the news fell on deaf ears. “What is that school doing to you, brainwashing you?” Taunted, teased.

John 3:3 Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.

The Catholic church had earlier denied me the confirmation ‘rite’ because they said I didn’t grasp the Holy Spirit, so I was denied confirmation by the Catholic church, but not by God himself.  I had failed to tell a priest my sins, and I told Sr. Margaret Mary that no man had the power within him to forgive me of my sins. She smiled and said, I think you understand the Holy Spirit just fine. She allowed me to attend the confirmation of my classmates, but to sit on the balcony overlooking the service. Through the service and prayer, God Himself confirmed me, and as tears dripped from the balcony to Sr. Margaret Mary’s hand as they proceeded out of the church, I knew, I had been touched by God.

Pss. 143:3 For the enemy hath persecuted my soul; he hath smitten my life down to the ground; he hath made me to dwell in darkness, as those that have been long dead.

I didn’t hold anything against the Catholic church, and surely didn’t allow the situation to shape my walk with Christ. I wanted more of what I had been touched with, and that is when I converted to Christianity, at fourteen. My family didn’t accept my faith, they just shrugged it off as another one of Joni’s phases. It was a phase that to this day, I have not gotten over and never will, not even until the day I meet my maker in the glorious doorway that He has opened for me.  To this day I am still washed with His grace.

John 15: 20 Remember the word that I said unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord. If they have persecuted me, they will also persecute you; if they have kept my saying, they will keep yours also.

No one understood, that when I became born again, my fleshly person died and I became an earthly creature of the spirit. I abhorred earthly things like materialism, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness and all those negative things that tried to control my life.

John 3:12 If I have told you earthly things, and ye believe not, how shall ye believe, if I tell you of heavenly things?

That is also when Satan decided to circle me and dangle temptations in my face like a pacifier to an infant, a young child who knew no better than what my family had shown me. I dove into drugs and alcohol, until one day, as I lay in my own vomit after dying and being breathed back into existence, by an ‘unknown-to-you-but-known-to-me’ FORCE, I charged ahead as a Christian soldier, spitting in Satan and all his minions faces!

Gal. 4: 29 But as then he that was born after the flesh persecuted him that was born after the Spirit, even so it is now.

On the day I was saved it did not make me a non-sinner, it made me AWARE of my sins, when I sinned, I CHOSE to sin. But as a FOLLOWER of Christ, I CHOOSE not to walk in the way of sin also. Christ was showing me a better way of life; I absorbed His love like a plant clipping placed in water, I drank, quenched my thirst, and grew with Him. Satan was angered by my closeness to Christ!

Gal 2:17 But if, while we seek to be justified by Christ, we ourselves also are found sinners, is therefore Christ the minister of sin? God forbid.

I have been sober for almost 25 years now. And CHOOSE not to be a follower of men and Satan and his temptations but a LEADER in the community for Christ!

I leave you with this:

Jas. 8:8 Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded.
 
1 The. 5:6 Therefore let us not sleep, as do others; but let us watch and be sober.
 
1 Pet. 5:8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:

Soul Songs Sunday ~ The More I Seek...

~ Seek and Find ~

This love is so deep; so overwhelming
it sweeps me off of my feet and I’m
transferred to a loftier place in time.
It’s all mine and all His.

He owns my soul as I melt in the stillness;
I’m forever in awe of His amazing grace.
Dying was not enough for me; He picks
me up off the floor and embraces me.

While in His grasp he dances with me;
we spin in an array of spacious circles
as I'm left floating weightless; comfortably
my head is nestled on His shoulder.

I drink from his overflowing cup of devotion,
lay back against Him and breathe deeply,
feeling his heartbeat in rhythm with my own
in the essence of peace that surrounds Him.

Why has He chosen me to be the love
of His life and I Him, my everlasting affection?
The more intensely I seek...the higher I find.
the further I find...the deeper I love.

Matt 6:33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

The Tell-Tale Christian

 

Why did I name this post, the Tell-Tale Christian? Because it is in us to go around telling everyone that we are Christians. It either makes us feel closer to God, right with the world or maybe we think people will like and accept us if we are Christians.

Matt. 6:1  Take heed that ye do not your alms before men, to be seen of them: otherwise ye have no reward of your Father which is in heaven.
 
Rev. 3:15-16 I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot.So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth.

I do understand what the term ‘alms’ means; giving to the poor and needy, and yes it fits into this tell-tale Christian post because I know so many, who after helping someone say, “I gave him a dollar, he was begging for it!” Their compassionate heart was ruined just by that statement. We’re not to go around boasting and bragging of our walk with the Lord. “I gave this, my charitable heart did that.”  That makes us as ego driven as the windswept snowdrifts!


We are deceived into thinking ourselves self-sufficient, when in fact we are spiritually blind and self-righteous! With this behavior we are then closing the door to Jesus, our walk becomes futile and each step is like a foot in quicksand, but there is good news in this, Jesus hasn’t closed the door on US! His arms are open and as He stands knocking, He allows us the choice of whether we open the door, or just peek through the peephole. He can only enter if the DOOR is OPEN. And once He enters He is now beside you walking the journey. You are not alone, and He sees everything we do, good AND bad, for Him or against Him.


Did you know that Jesus, to His disciples, said many of times, “Tell no one I am the Son of God.” Did you ever wonder about that? Why would this Glorious King of Kings come to save our souls, not want anyone to know that his Father sent Him to shed blood for you?
He knew mans hearts so well. He knew they would go and tell, He knew His message would reach thousands, millions and billions. Jesus knew we were weak and He was trying so hard to make us strong.
He also wanted us to pray in secret.

Matt. 6:6-7 But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly. But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do: for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking.

Do you get it? Our spiritual journey is between YOU and HIM.  It is not a display case for you to show off to others. Sure you can share the scripture, but be ready, KNOW from what you preach. You can not stand inside the door, peeking out through a peep-hole, then claim to be a Christian, who walks the walk. That is sort of like window shopping as Christ stands on display.


“Looky there, I know Him, I walk with Him, I praise him daily.” In your excitement you tap on the glass, “Hey Jesus, remember me, I tell everybody about you!” A silence washes over you. You realize something as you look through the glass. You haven’t really let Him in, spiritually, you have Him on display.


There is a barrier between you and Him, called glass. Don’t be on the outside looking in, stand WITH Him, be one with Him, allow Him to live in you! Open the Door! Don’t just be a Tell-Tale Christian.

Rev. 3:20-22 Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me. To him that overcometh will I grant to sit with me in my throne, even as I also overcame, and am set down with my Father in his throne. He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the churches.

Soul Storm

Many people struggle with their faith. This being my first post ever on Soul Songs. I won’t bore you with my journey of seeking and finding God. We have plenty of time for that. But right now I’d like to introduce the woman behind the soul that will be hopefully leading you in the right direction of faith that you seek.

My name is Joni, and I am a writer. A wannabe published writer, but a writer nonetheless. I drip my soul into poetry like a funnel of rain in a downspout. I touch souls with my words and it is a kind of mission of mine to find a nice place nestled in your mind, where I have you thinking, changing, and longing for an enriched soul.

Allow my first post be one of my beloved poems, and the title of my poetry book, if ever it gets published. Without further adieu, here is:

Soul Storm 
9/13/09
All rights reserved:
copyright © joni  zipp

Beyond the tempest storm I see
a rainbow waiting there for me
clouds they merge then pass me by
my eye always on the erupting sky.

The storm boils over without warning
lasting through the mumbled morning
I wait with hope for the sun to win
against this beast the angry kin.

He gnaws and gnashes, biting trees
he shreds the land then heads for seas
Finding joy in causing  pain
Unleashing torrential slashing rain

I think destruction is friend
he takes away the ability to mend.
But does he know you have more power
within your grasp through every hour?

The more he taunts and tries to break
the more you seek the rainbows wake.
You know its there; it’s in your view,
Holding hope and all that’s true.

The rays burst out of the hidden shell
Erasing the storms evil spell.
the arc of promise rears its head
the rainbow shows your faith’s been fed.